I Am Just Being Honest

Honesty may be the best policy, but sometimes the ways in which we express our honesty are hurtful to others and calculated to be more self-serving than anything else.  Being open and expressive of your opinions and feelings may gain for you the reputation of "telling it like it is," but at times the hurt you cause with your honesty is unnecessary and counterproductive.  You may just elicit defensiveness on the part of the one(s) to whom you are speaking.  Sometimes gaining a reputation for honesty is coupled with the perception that you are also a bully, or that you are rude, or that you care more about making your own point or even the virtue of being open and honest than you do about the feelings of those against whom the point is being made.  I understand the value in openly expressing how we feel about the words or actions of another, particularly when what we are attempting to bring about is valuable change.  What I don't care for is the need we all sometimes feel to express our disgust before or while or after we suggest change.  So, instead of your hearer(s) being able to immediately react in positive ways to your blunt suggestions, he or she (they) first has to wade through the distraction of your rudeness or hurtfulness.  It is, of course, possible to make suggested changes to others with such care and gentleness that the force of the suggestion is lost or is insufficient to motivate change; there are times when a solid blow struck immediately above the bridge of the nose, between the eyes, seems like the only thing that will gain the desired effect.  But, I find that these cases are actually fairly rare.  Most people react well to carefully chosen, carefully timed words calculated to bring about their best.  It is when they cannot hear the love in your words, but only your negative evaluation of them, that the muscles in their jaws begin to contract.  So, say what you mean, but say it with grace, with tactfulness, with respect and love, and it is likely that the first reaction on the parts of those to whom you are speaking will be that they will openly listen to what you suggest, rather than failing to hear your wisdom and honesty because your disgust filled attitude and rude speech put them off from the the very start.